With the ever-growing list of dating apps, the number of people having casual sex has inevitably risen. Casual sex is when people who are not in a monogamous relationship partake in sexual intercourse. Fun, right?
I personally think this is social progress. Humans have sexual needs and dating apps, if you choose to use them in that way, can help provide a solution to these needs. We solution focused in this house, baby!
Whether you agree with people having casual sex or not, it’s happening. People will be doing it regardless of whether you think it’s right or wrong, and the risks that come with casual sex will be there whether you acknowledge its existence or whether you shut your eyes and pretend it’s not happening.
A quickie. A shag. Getting laid. Being fucked. Getting lucky. Whatever you want to call it. People love it and will continue to love it until the last human walks this earth. And even then, I’m sure they’ll probably just have a wank.
However, these hook-ups aren’t always excitement and orgasms. It can be dangerous and can sometimes lead to forms of abuse. We all need to be aware of these risks whilst staying conscious of the best ways to prioritise our safety. So here it is; Some steps I take, and tell my friends to take, to stay safe when having casual sex.
- Listen to your gut. If you’re getting the vibe that something is off, then bail. Just don’t meet them. It’s better to be horny than sorry.
- Do some research. If you’ve met them on an app and that app is linked to their Facebook or Instagram, then have a little gander. Maybe ask your friends if they’ve heard of this person before or even have a cheeky Google.
- Don’t give them your address. If they’re picking you up, pick a public place and NOT your house.
- Don’t go straight to their house, meet them in public first. If this is your first time meeting them, you’re going to want to see who they are before you’re in their home.
- Tell at least one person what you’re doing. Their name, your intentions, where you’re going.
- Before you meet them, make sure that your phone is fully charged, you have something that could be used as a weapon in case anything goes wrong (I’m not suggesting you carry a bread knife here. A set of keys or some pepper spray will indeed suffice) and make sure you are feeling emotionally prepared for something like this. If you’re not, then call it off! Yes, they might be disappointed, but your needs come first.
- Have some idea if you want to have sex at their place or yours.
Pros of having sex at their place: Assuming the situation is normal, you can leave whenever you want. Whereas if they are at your place, you have to actively ask them to leave.
Cons of having sex at their place: It’s not your space so you may not feel totally comfortable getting vulnerable there!
- If you arrive and they’re not who they say they are, then leave IMMEDIATELY.
- If they are who they say they are, great! Text your friend to say you have arrived and all is well.
- Discuss your boundaries. This seems like a bit of a boner killer but try and make it sexy.
“I’m not comfortable with you taking any photos of me inside or outside of the bedroom but if that’s what you’re into then I would find it really sexy to take some of you!”
- If they aren’t completely and utterly accepting and respectful of your boundaries then walk away. This is a HUGE red flag. We don’t fuck people who don’t respect us.
“Thanks for meeting with me but I don’t think I want this to happen anymore.”
or the more relaxed “unfortunately bro am not feeling this now so I’m gonna bail.”
- All good so far? Boss. If you’ll be going to their house then text your friend where you’ll be moving to. If not, still let them know you’ll be bringing them back to yours!
13. Keep checking in on your friend to let them know things are okay. Maybe agree on this with them before you go.
“If I don’t text you for over an hour, bell the plod okay?” try to follow this rule…you don’t want to stress your mate out.
This a real example of when my friend, unfortunately, did not follow this rule. She was having cocktails with an Australian guy in a swanky bar and I was pacing around my room googling “How to report someone missing in China?” (For clarity, I lived in China at the time, I don’t just google bizarre questions when stressed).
- Use protection.
- Keep your phone by the bed at all times (or couch, worktop, car, bathtub… wherever you guys get down and dirty). Make sure it’s within reach in case you need it at some point. This is in case of emergencies… I’m not asking you to live-tweet your shag.
- Remember you can stop this WHENEVER you like and so can they. And you both have to respect that.
- When you’re leaving, if they put you in a taxi then don’t let them know your address. Tell your driver somewhere near your house or even give a false address until they’re gone. I’ve always said the church by my house. Sorry lord.
- Text your mate that you’ve left / that they’ve left.
19. Have some post-shag self-care!