National underwear day 2020

It’s international underwear day baby! It was originally founded in 2003 by a company called freshpair to promote positive female body image!! And whilst that is boss, my take on the day is genderless. One of my favourite versions of Cassie is Cassie in underwear. I’m not really one to follow the gender binary and boxers have been something I’ve worn for a while now. They’re comfy, they make me feel like the dyke of my dreams and tbh with you, I think they’re hot. But I also find lingerie, thongs and stockings hot too. Unfortunately “Mens” underwear is designed to be more comfortable than women’s underwear. This is because women’s aren’t designed for comfort but are designed for beauty. What if I want to be comfortable AND hot? Even the “female boxers” aren’t comfortable, they’re tight and make me feel like I’m punishing my vulva and thighs. The same goes for men and enbys. What if they want to wear a red lace body suit? Does it have to be them dressing in “women’s clothes”? Or is it just them wearing what they want. Underwear should be for all. I’ve found so much empowerment (and comfort) from wearing boxers and it’s nice to not always be performing femininity like I used to. But I also find empowerment from whacking a corset and stockings on too. I do whatever the fuck makes me feel best, regardless of what I’m told my gender should do/wear. FUCK the gender binary. Underwear has NO gender. Wear whatever the fuck you want baby.

A brief note on boundaries

I’ve been working on my own personal boundaries so much over the last 6 months and my life and my mental and physical health has changed drastically from the day I started setting them. However, as beneficial as this has been it has also come with losing a few people I once held dear. Once I set some boundaries with family and friends, I started to realise just how many people took advantage of me being a people pleaser. I used to HATE being disliked (and still do to some extent) so would do anything for anybody at any given point. That shit was UNHEALTHY. Now that I no longer do this or no longer keep quiet about things that upset me, I’m “difficult” or “dramatic” or have even been accused of losing love for certain people. That is simply not true. I still love these people but I love and respect myself more than to allow myself to be exhausted by the unhealthy methods I used to use to show love. Setting boundaries is GENEROUS. Boundaries teach others how to love us. Never feel guilty for saying no. Or for loving yourself enough to no longer accept what you used to. You disrespect yourself every time you say yes when you really mean no, or when you give in to something you don’t want to do, or when you compromise your own comfort to please others. If people respond poorly to your boundaries, then it’s time to tell those people to fuck off. They don’t respect you or your needs. Don’t allow yourself to be treated poorly just because you love them. Love yourself more bitch!!

this is your sign bitch

hi, this is a sign that u really need to stop being so hard on yourself.
This is a picture of me in February 2019 in Thailand. I look at this picture now in 2020 have such mixed emotions. I had run away to China because I had major depression and couldn’t cope in England anymore and then in efforts to turn my life around I booked a solo trip to Thailand for Valentine’s Day. I thought I was failing at EVERYTHING. I felt like everybody hated me and I felt that my time on this earth was quickly coming to an end. That was fact for me, I knew it was over soon, there was no two ways about it. I distinctly remember looking at 40+ year olds and thinking “how on earth have they actually made it this far?” The fact I ever had that question makes me so upset now, but at the time it was one that would truly baffle me. What was it that made them keep going for so long? I honestly pitied them for sticking around for so long. I was being so hard on myself, punishing myself physically and mentally every single day. But now when I sit and think of all the events/things that made me ill and the things that I overcame, I get overwhelmed with pride. I never feel proud of myself but when I think of the absolute PIT I was in and the fact that I somehow managed to drag myself out of it, I truly do feel proud of myself. I wish I had someone telling me to go easy on myself at the time. To stop hating myself or to stop expecting so much of myself when so much was going on. Depression and trauma is SCARY and you don’t have to be confident and badass all the time and you don’t always have to have your shit together!! Stop being so nasty to yourself, you’re going through some rough shit and the last thing you need is to punish yourself.
I’m glad I took myself away to Thailand, it was one of my many turning points. I drove round an island and realised that moments like that were why people stuck around and I knew that I’d eventually be okay. And she was right bitch! I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my whole entire life and I’m nicer to myself every single day. Down days come and go but this time around I’m way easier on myself and have less harmful coping mechanisms! Yay for growth ay

Trans rights are NOT up for debate.

The recent tirade against trans folk is becoming increasingly more scary to witness. JK R*wling’s transphobic tweets, the government rolling back on plans that had previously been promised to trans folk and today’s garbage hashtag of the day.. “only females get cervical cancer”.
It’s all been horrific for the trans community. Horrific and incredibly harmful.
People seem to be scared of “new” terms like non-binary or transgender, as well as many other new terms surrounding gender identity and gender expression. These terms may be relatively new but the concepts and people who identify with them have always been here. Trans and non-binary folk have ALWAYSbeen here. The only new thing here is the terminology.
By taking away trans and enby rights you are not getting rid of the people themselves… just their safety.
Learn what these terms mean. Ask your friends their preferred pronouns and then respect them. Speak out against our shitty government. We cannot let the trans community down.
Trans rights are NOT up for debate.

International Non-Binary People’s Day 2020

What does non-binary refer to?

Non-binary is an umbrella term for people whose gender identity doesn’t sit comfortably with ‘man’ or ‘woman’. Non-binary identities are varied and can include people who identify with some aspects of binary identities, while others reject them entirely.

Non-binary people can feel that their gender identity and gender experience involves being both a man and a woman, or that it is fluid, in between, or completely outside of that binary.

Non-binary people are nothing new. Non-binary people aren’t confused about their gender identity or following a new fad- non-binary identities have been recognised for millenia by cultures and societies around the world. Some, but not all, non-binary people undergo medical procedures to make their bodies more congruent with their gender identity. While not all non-binary people need medical care to live a fulfilling life, it’s critical and even life saving for many.

Most transgender people are not non-binary. While some transgender people are non-binary, most transgender people have a gender identity that is either male or female, and should be treated like any other man or woman. Trans is not the same as non-binary. Being non-binary is not the same thing as being intersex. Intersex people have anatomy or genes that don’t fit typical definitions of male or female. Most intersex people identify as either male or female. Non-binary people are usually not intersex: they’re usually born with bodies that may fit typical definitions of male and female, but their innate gender identity is something other than male or female.

What questions are okay to ask?

  • What are your preferred pronouns?
  • What titles/ terms would you like me to use to refer to you?
  • Terms like ‘sibling’ rather than ‘sister/brother’, ‘Mx.’ instead of ‘Mr/ Mrs’, and ‘parent’ instead of ‘mother/father’ might be suggested.

These are the only questions you actually need answered to interact with someone or talk about them. Everything else, like questions about people’s bodies, their past, their plans for the future, are personal questions for trans and non-binary people just like they are for cis people. Let people share if they want to; otherwise, don’t ask. It’s okay not to know.

Instead of:

  • his or hers, try theirs
  • ladies and gentlemen, try distinguished guests
  • men and women, try everyone
  • guys, try folks/folx
  • man/woman (with the glasses), try person (with the glasses)

Small changes to your vocabulary matter.

Reminder: NB is not short for non-binary. NB is short for non-black, used in the context of ‘non-black POC’.

NB=NON-BLACK

ENBY/N.B/N-B/NBY/NBINARY= NON-BINARY

Blackfishing

Blackfishing: a term used to describe someone who pretends to be black or appropriates black culture by using makeup, hair products or surgery in some cases, to drastically change their appearance so they look black.

The issue does not lie with people tanning but with people becoming racially ambiguous all for a cosmetic look. Black women and WOC have suffered years of oppression because of their skin colour. These women have been told by the media and by society that dark skin is less attractive, so why is it okay and deemed attractive for a white woman to replicate it?

As a white woman, by darkening your skin you are stealing a black woman’s aesthetic but keeping a white woman’s privileges. The people that choose to use excessive fake tan are the same people that benefit from a system that discriminates and oppresses black people and POC. They are discriminated against and mocked for having dark skin, and yet white people are praised and glorified.

Black people and POC cannot wash the colour of their skin off at the end of the day. It is offensive for white people to use it for cosmetic gain without dealing with the associations attached to having dark skin.

Nobody is saying ‘oh you use fake tan? Yeah you’re racist!’. Let’s not get it twisted, the use of fake tan is fine. Applying fake tan to the point that your race is questionable is blackfishing and is a very ignorant form of racism.

What is Cultural Appropriation? (And why you should cut that shit out)

Cultural appropriation happens when someone takes things from a culture that is experiencing oppression. Furthermore, appropriation refers to a particular power dynamic in which members of a dominant culture take elements from a culture of people who have been systemically oppressed by that dominant group.

Learn the difference:

Cultural appreciation: Appreciation is honouring and respecting another culture and its practices, as a way to gain knowledge and understand.

Cultural appropriation: The ‘cherry picking’ or selecting of certain aspects of culture, whilst ignoring their original significance for the purpose of belittling it as a trend.

Examples of cultural appropriation:

  • Excessive fake tan
  • Wearing bindis at festivals
  • White women altering their body to get a big bum, bigger lips and a smaller waist
  • Cornrows, dreads and Bantu knots
  • Wearing Native American headdresses at festivals
  • Halloween costumes that depict cultural stereotypes
  • Themed parties that exoticise other cultures
  • Use of ‘spirit animal’

How can you Appreciate without Appropriating?

  • Consider the context: don’t adopt sacred artifacts or practices as accessories
  • Do your research: fully understand the cultural, historical and religious significance of the items and actions you are engaging with
  • Put your money where your mouth is: if you want to participate in an aspect of a different culture, do it by supporting people and businesses that belong to that culture
  • Engage with a culture on more that and aesthetic level: don’t ‘cherry pick’ only the elements that you find fashionable

Resources for further learning:

  • “What’s Wrong with Cultural Appropriation? These 9 Answers Reveal its Harm” by Maisha Z. Johnson for Everyday Feminism
  • “What is Cultural Appropriation?” a video from Origin of Everything
  • “Cultural Appropriation Viewing Guide” from PBS
  • Dear White People (Netflix)
  • White Shamans and Plastic Medicine Men
  • yellow apparel: when the coolie becomes cool
  • Cultural Appropriation Bingo Card by Dr. Sheila Addison, LMFT

8 Benefits of Female Masturbation

  1. It can improve your relationship/ sex life.
  2. It’s actually really good for your vagina! See it as doing your body a favour.
  3. It can help you sleep by exhausting your body in the best kind of way.
  4. It can release tension and stress. Why not end your bad day on a high note?
  5. It enables you to get to know your body more, therefore making you more comfortable with it.
  6. It can help reduce period pains. Absolute winner.
  7. Orgasms are good for your skin. Think pregnancy glow… without the commitment.
  8. It’s a way to feel in total control of your entire body, and that is pretty badass.

Tips on calling out your racist family & friends

CALL OUT YOUR RACIST FAMILY. CALL OUT YOUR RACIST FRIENDS. CALL OUT RACIST STRANGERS. CALL OUT ANYONE WHO IS RESPONDING TO “BLACK LIVES MATTER” WITH “ALL LIVES MATTER”. DON’T BITE YOUR TONGUE TO SAVE RELATIONSHIPS WITH SHITTY PEOPLE. 

Racism is not a difference of opinion. Racism is dehumanising oppression. It’s a difference in morality. White people, it’s our job to call out other white people when they’re saying or expressing racist things, however “unintentional” it may be. 
You’re an ally? Prove it. Stop hiding behind the shadows of racists because you’ve known them all your life. 
Call out your racist family, friends, acquaintances. You cannot support a movement while the people closest to you are being racist.  
Hold them accountable for the bigotry they spew. Talk to them, have conversations with them about racism in your area, the history of white supremacy, our contribution to our racist society and ways that we can change and be actively anti-racist. Call them and out and try and educate them. And if they don’t listen? Cya hun.  
Do not defend or enable that shit. This is not a difference in opinion. This is a difference is morality.  

I have personally got no trouble cutting off family, friends, neighbors, colleagues or followers who are racist, defend racism or support racists. This is not something I will overlook. If you think just because we are connected in some way that I will accept that in you, you are mistaken. 

TIPS:
1. Understand that you cannot single-handedly change a person’s mind if they are not ready to do so. Don’t expect immediate change. In fact, don’t expect change at all. Walk into the conversation being aware of that. Lower your expectations. 
 
2. Stay calm. Even if things get heated, remain calm. Think about what you’re going to say before you say it and don’t let their behavior/response effect the way you communicate.  
 
3. Understand that some people will listen and some people will not. You cannot help everybody. Don’t burn yourself out on people who are not willing to learn. 
 
4. When a racist comment or joke is made, act dim. Pretend you don’t understand what they mean. They will then have to explain exactly what they meant, forcing them to break down their racism for you. (This is a personal favorite)  

5. Don’t raise your voice. Monitor your tone. Don’t give them ammunition. By this I mean, if you raise your voice and swear at them, they then have the opportunity to say things like “We couldn’t even have a sensible discussion because they were shouting and swearing at me!”. Do not give them that opportunity.   

6. Use accessible language. Using language they don’t understand without explanation can often look like you are trying to assert dominance. People who are convinced they are right don’t want to feel like they are less educated than the person they are talking to and are therefore unlikely to ask you for definitions, in fear of looking stupid.  

7. Instead, it is likely they will get angry. The easier it is to understand, the harder it is to reject. 

8. Recognise that you are about to challenge their views. This will threaten them and when people feel threatened, they will fight, freeze or flee. Be prepared for them to argue or get nasty. Try to remain calm. 

9. State the facts. Say the definitions. Your job is not to win an argument. Your job is to educate. Teach with facts, do not fight with opinion. 

10. Approach with facts rather than emotion. As frustrating as this is, it will help. People have a hard time believing that you can be emotional AND correct.